Weeding

Well I didn’t make anything yesterday. Instead I discovered part of my yard on the other side of the trailer and the back side of the house where I never go, was filled with weeds and I took care of those. With all the rain the weeds have gone crazy and the bunnies don’t touch them. It only took an hour or two, but being in the shape I’m in, it did me in for the rest of the day. All of this because I went and checked to see if the neighbors Argentine Giant cactus was blooming. It was.

Looks like there are several more blossoms to come. 

Took a few pics around the yard. I dug up a couple of bulbs that had been growing under the grapefruit tree, not sure what they are, they haven’t bloomed since they have been there. But I put them in the bottom planter with the other green thing I put in there a week or so ago. I had to wreck the roots, so I hope I didn’t totally kill them. The bunnies haven’t touched them. The bulbs were quite large, wasn’t expecting that. Something I must have tossed under the tree at some point. A lot of my compostables go under that tree.

Here are a few blooms from my yard.

      

I also cleaned up the little cactus garden area at the side of the driveway and rearranged the railroad ties I had been using as a tire stop for the car. Got one of the concrete ones a while back and that made the ties pretty much redundant. They are now outlining the little cactus garden area. 

  

The cactus are growing much slower now that they aren’t getting any more water than mother nature provides. Since we have had so much rain, there has been some noticeable growth, but no blossoms, and one of them didn’t make it at all. It went in the trash with the weeds. I might put one of the aloes out there, but not sure where. The aloes will eventually take over the area. I might try to get a couple of new cactus pups since they are on their own and won’t fill the area so fast. 

It felt pretty good being outside and doing something even if I did have to keep taking breaks. The sunshine is healthy as long as I don’t get too much and it doesn’t hit my scar. Would have been better if it had been warm enough to be in shorts, but I’ll take what I can get. 

Of course I spent the rest of the day reading on the patio. I’m outside as much as I can be. Tried to take a nap since I only had four hours sleep, but pretty much failed. And I only got about four so far tonight. I do want to try to get more. 

Picking up my iris seed at the post office today. My day lilies won’t be here until some time next week. I'm excited about getting some more bloomers going. Hoping they will survive the heat.

Day #???

I have no idea how many days we are into "social distancing", now "shelter at home". It isn't anything new to me to be alone. I spend most of my time alone anyway. The only difference now is that I am afraid to go out. I am one of the compromised. If I get sick, I will most likely die. La Paz county has it's first two confirmed cases. Pretty close to home.

I have to say tho, that I don't like it. Can't even do my weekly or bi-weekly visit with a friend, or Monday Morning coffee at the club house. My only social outlets. Painting is over for the season, so I don't even have that now. Can't walk up the street and visit with a neighbor. You would think I would be used to being alone by now.

I'm finding my stress, between no income and this pandemic, to be limiting. I have no motivation or creativity. I had been spending a lot of my time crafting, but haven't even had the energy to do that lately. I did get myself in there yesterday and made some cards. First time in a couple of weeks and they aren't very good, and only managed that because I didn't pick up my Kindle Fire and start reading at breakfast. If I pick up my Kindle, it is all over. I just read.

I don't know how many books I have read since Jake died in 2010, but it is a LOT. It is my way of escaping. While I am reading, I don't think about anything else. It is all I did those first weeks, probably months, after. It is all I am doing now.

If I can't manage to find the energy or creativity to get into the craft room, you KNOW I'm not exercising either. I have good intentions, but that seems to be as far as it goes. Sigh...

They say to plant a garden is to believe in tomorrow. I am still planting. I have ordered some iris and lily seed, which take even longer than tubers or bulbs. Still trying to learn gardening in this arid climate. Most everything literally bakes in the summer when it gets hot. But some mini daffodils I planted last year came back this year, so I have hope.

On the positive side of things, I have most of what I need for now. I only go out to get the mail, and most everything else I need I have ordered online or has been shared by very generous neighbors. My pantry is full, I have a few things growing in the garden and plenty of seed to grow more.

I'm hoping the stimulus thing gets approved and goes through, it would get me through another couple of months. I checked my disability app again this morning, still processing. Has been since November 4th when I appealed the first denial. I still have zero income, but a few people have been very generous and sent money. You know who you are and thank you very much. It means a lot to me, and will certainly help.

My health could be better, but it could also be much, much worse. I am grateful that I can still take care of myself and most everything I need to do. My balance is still off so I don't climb any ladders and always use the railing on the stairs.

Trying not to eat too much, a fall back when bored. My weight is still way up from the meds, and would really like to loose some of it. At least I have stopped gaining weight. Finally.

As of now, all is good. Lets hope this ends soon and life can get back to normal, whatever that is.

Who knew I could do this?

A year ago Christmas I was gifted with a set of acrylic paints, brushes and canvases. I finally got around to opening the paints and giving it a go after being invited to the twice weekly painting group. I have been having fun with it. Discovering my weaknesses and my strengths. There are a couple that I really like, and some not so much. Here they are in order of completion. Remember, I am a complete newbie, so I am pretty pleased with my efforts. All paintings are available either as an original or a print at a reasonable price. Reply below if there is something that catches your eye.

My very first painting.

 5x7 Koi

9x12 Antique Truck (Not one of my better ones IMHO)

8x10 Geraniums

 5x7 Bee and Thistle

Lavender

Pair of 3x3 canvases

5x7 Sheep

5x7 Emerging Snowdrop

9x12 Wildflowers

9x12 Lilacs

8x10 Outhouse from IP VT

5x7 Bunny

The outhouse painting is out of sequence, but it is my favorite so far. It is not for sale. The painting is from a photo taken in my front yard in Vermont. It has significant emotional memories. I would be willing to do a print tho, any size up to 8x10.

Painting group is done for the season, but I hope to continue and improve my work through the long, very hot summer here in AZ. I will try to remember to post them as I complete them. 

Here is one I did in alcohol inks last summer. I have had this one printed on canvas several times and it has come out well each time. 

One year ago

One year ago today my life was changed. Can't say it was for the good. They told me I would feel like a brand new person...they lied. I just feel old and tired and frustrated.

I no longer have a job, or the ability to do the job I was doing before my diagnosis. I am tired. Always tired. I have no stamina, and no motivation.

I was walking a mile a day after my surgery. Took a while to build up to it, had leg pain and foot pain, then it got hot out and I couldn't walk any more. I had two exercise machines, but can't use them because they make my knees hurt. So I basically haven't had much in the way of exercise since last summer.

I also had a resurgence of my Type 2 Diabetes. I had it under control with my diet, but with the numerous prescription meds I had to take and am still taking, it really messed with my blood sugar. When I went to the doctor in November, my blood sugar was almost 600. I was really sick - again. Back on metformin three times per day, and my fasting glucose is finally down around 116 to 128 pretty much every day. Can't seem to get it below 100 tho, no matter what I eat or don't eat. My diet is very restricted. Was told to go keto, tried it for a couple of months, but continued to gain weight. I had/have gained 45 pounds since surgery.  I don't eat much. I don't snack, eat very few carbs, no salt, no sugar, no flavor. Feeding myself has become a real chore with limited choices. Every. Single. Day.

I have been surviving on charity, EBT, and what savings I had. The savings is gone, and the charity is pretty much gone too since it has been a year. I still have zero income and am stressing about how I am going to survive if disability doesn't come through. I sold a bunch of stuff last weekend, my scooter, a couple of small kitchen appliances, a patio set, so I can pay some bills for another month. I sell my handcrafts when I can, and barter when I can, but one cannot survive without money. I don't qualify for cash assistance since I don't have any children. Both of my doctors say I shouldn't work, and I agree.

Depression, memory loss, mood swings, all side effects of the massive trauma a body goes through with open heart surgery, not including the physical aspects of being cut open, ribs spread and hands being inside a body. It is a slow recovery both emotonal and physical. I shudder when I think about what they did to me. 

I have some memory of my time in the hospital and shortly after I came home, but it is in bits and pieces. Pretty much one big blur with a few highlights here and there. My short term memory is still suffering. 

Due to the fact that I have zero income and my savings is gone with no income in sight, my friend Maureen set up a go fund me over a week ago. It has had zero activity. Not sure if people just don't care or if it hasn't been shared enough. But I have to say that I am hurt. I hate asking for money or help of any kind, but to me, the lack of interest or any donations, says that no one cares. 

I'm already alone, I lost Jake ten years ago. I adapted. I miss him each and every day and know that my life would be a lot different than it is now if he were here with me, and he would have been here to help me through all of this. But he isn't. I am alone, and it looks like it will stay that way.

I have nothing to look forward to and a very uncertain future. It is so discouraging. I struggle to make it through a whole day. I see things I want to do, hikes to make, but I can't even walk around the block without pain and panting. My legs get very heavy and ache, plus the foot pain from tendon issues and arthritis. 

Loneliness is a real issue too. I go days without talking to or seeing another human. I have friends and know lots of people here, but just like in VT, no bestie to hang out with and do stuff.  There is no love in my life and hasn't been for a very long time.

If anyone really cares and wants to help, the link is below. Any little bit would help and let me know that people actually do care. 

https://www.gofundme.com/f/7bwuv-healing-holly

Just about a year

It has been just about a year since I had my open heart surgery. CABGx2 and ASD repair. March 15th will be my one year anniversary. Still having some issues, changes in meds, diabetes kicking up, exhaustion,aches and pains. But all in all, I'm doing good.

Still fighting disability. Was denied the first time for lack of work credits, so I applied for the other type. Was denied and told I could work thru my discomfort...I appealed. Still waiting. I am a 60 year old woman with a heart condition, diabetes, arthritis, and a bunch of annoying little issues. I can no longer do the job I was doing, and there are very few low impact jobs here in Q. I have been surviving on my savings, selling of personal items and selling my crafts, but the savings is gone and I only have so many personal items I can sell. My friend in VT, Maureen, set up a go fund me for me. It isn't doing well, she and her daughter are the only ones that contributed so far. Granted, it is only three days old, but I had hoped I meant more to people than what appears.

Maureen asked me back when I had the surgery a year ago if she could do this. I asked her to wait until I absolutely had to. So we did. I'm at that place. I feel like I am begging, but people do it for less. It is a pay it forward situation. I have given money to people that were ready to loose their house and have their power shut off, a sizeable sum. I help people when I can. I have and will continue to pay it forward when I can.

All I am asking today is that you share the GFM link. Not asking for donations unless you want to help. I have no idea how long it will take to get some money coming in from somewhere, and I have had zero income since I was flown to Phoenix for my surgery.

Help if you can, and sharing the link will definitely be helping.  Thank you.
https://www.gofundme.com/f/7bwuv-healing-holly