Sunday, April 10, 2016

Catching up

I had a friend contact me the other day because I hadn't been writing much on my blog. Well, there wasn't much to write about. Since I have been working I haven't done a whole lot. My last day for the season was Friday and I am happy to know that I have some time off.

Yesterday, my first day off, I did absolutely nothing. I sat around and ate and read all day. Did not feel too guilty about doing nothing knowing that I have the time to relax a little and not have to worry about getting everything done in three days before I go back to work.

I'm not sleeping well again, not that I have for a very long time, but it has gotten worse. I am now waking up at 2 and 2:30 instead of 3:30, and that makes for a very long day. Of course, I then fall asleep in front of the TV way before I should be sleeping. It is a vicious cycle and one that I need to break. I have always been one to wake up when the sun comes up and be ready to sleep when it goes down. The days are getting longer, so maybe I will be able to stay awake longer and sleep better at night. Not having to get up and go to work for a while might help too.

My next project is putting in a new irrigation system. I have (hopefully) all the parts and pieces I need to put that together and I need to dig a trench to lay the PVC. Not looking forward to that, and am hoping it won't be too difficult to dig. Wherever I have dug previously has been sand, so I think the rest of the yard will be the same. I am also going to run a second line beside the first and put a spigot at the other end of the patio where I need it. Then I won't have hose running the length of the patio and nothing to trip over. The next few days are supposed to be in the 70's and low 80's, so now is the time to get that done.

Physically I am fine. Overweight. I didn't walk all winter, ate a lot, gained some weight. I need to start walking again and get back on my strict diet before I have to go back on meds. I don't want meds, and I don't like how I feel with all this extra weight. Have had to get some new clothes since my others have gotten too tight again. Thank goodness for the Salvation Army, it keeps me in clothes that fit.

Emotionally, I have my ups and downs. I am bored and lonely. I miss Jake and Kali Cat and the life we had together. I miss our home and all the green, the mountains and water. I find it disturbing to think that this is what my life is going to be for the next umpteen years, alone and just getting by. I will be out of money soon and will have to go back to work full time. I hated the job I had over the winter. Not so much the job itself, but all the under currents, nepotism, and the fact that I never felt like I fit in. It wasn't a good fit for me. Of course, it has been many, many years since I have worked for someone else and having someone tell me what I can and cannot do. The pay was above minimum wage, but not by much. My paychecks were less than 1k a month. Not enough to live on, but it helped keep me from depleting my savings over the winter allowing me to take some time off now. I don't like having to work. I really enjoyed being retired. I was never bored as there was always something to do, something new to learn.

I am used to being alone. I have been most of my life. Ten years wasn't enough with Jake. We had plans. I often wonder where or what we would be doing if he hadn't gotten sick. I pretty much followed through with our plans on my own, bought the motor home, sold everything and hit the road. But we would probably still be traveling if we were together.

I am disappointed that I won't be going northeast this summer. I can't really afford a trip like that, and I don't want to drive the 7k mile round trip hauling a trailer and all by myself. It was one thing in the motor home when I didn't have a destination in mind, but this isn't a trip I want to do alone. It scares me. So many things could go wrong. Now that I have the trailer almost done, I can take off for a week or two at a time and I hope that I will. At least I know I can and have the trailer sitting there waiting to do just that.

So that is where I am right now. I don't like to write about the negative, and if I don't have anything positive or exciting to write about I don't write. I am hoping now that I am done working I will have more to write about and will be happier. At least until I have to start working again. I still have several years before retirement age and not enough money to see me through, so I will have to go back to work, but plan on enjoying a little time off first.

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