Tuesday, April 14, 2015

Kali Cat, 1997 to 2015

Well, it is done. Kali Cat is gone and I have done nothing buy cry since I made the decision yesterday morning. Still crying. I was with her the whole time and she went peacefully. Unfortunately, the drive over upset her, but there wasn’t anything I could do about that. I kept talking to her and petting her and never took my hands off her until I had to leave. It was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. And leaving her there was more difficult than bringing her in. So similar to when I had to leave Jake.

I already miss her so very much. I hate coming in the house because she isn’t here. My constant companion and my baby girl. I didn’t get much sleep and I am so tired. I managed about four hours last night, two in front of the TV and maybe two in bed. Of course, it was my first night in bed in over a week.

I removed all things Kali Cat except her mouse that she tried to play with yesterday morning. She made an attempt just to try and please me, but just didn’t have the energy. Her mouse will be tied on to her urn when she comes home. I just can’t stand the reminders. I did the same thing when Char Lee died and when Jake died too. I also tried to clean up some of the spots on the carpet. 

Unfortunately, the photos I took of her yesterday weren’t all that good. But I have hundreds of photos taken at other times. Here are a few of my favorites..

I have many, many more photos and will add them to the FB album as I come across them. A tribute like I did for Emma and Jake.

After I took the litter box and all the pee pads and stuff to the dumpster, I parked my car lengthwise in front of my patio. I just wasn’t in the mood to have to wave to everyone that went by. It will probably stay like that for a couple of days. I spend a lot of time out there.

I should walk today, but I probably won’t. I just don’t feel like it. I’m allowed a couple of days to wallow and grieve. I just lost a huge part of my life. I didn’t do anything without considering her first, especially since she has been sick. 

As much as I would like to get the floors replaced, I can’t do it until I get Ody sold. I am considering transferring the registration to AZ since my VT registration has expired, and heading off somewhere for a week or two. If she doesn’t sell, she might as well get used. But it is too soon to make those kinds of decisions. Georgia invited me over to where she is staying in CA, I might do that for a night or two by car. That is about three hours away. But I won’t make any decisions at least until next week. When I can get used to walking into an empty house. I still look for Kali Cat in all her spots even tho my head knows she isn’t here. I put the printer in the spot where her box was because without the box, it was so empty. I even listen for her when it gets close to meal times, and I swear I have heard her cry for food. If I am outside I can pretend she is in here until I walk thru the door.

Well, I guess I should take a shower and make an attempt at being acceptable. get dressed for at least part of the day. It is going to be hot again. The thermometer said we hit 99 yesterday and it didn’t go below 70 over night, so today will most likely be even warmer.

I just don’t know what I am going to do now without Kali Cat. I am not planning on getting another cat because they don’t like to travel, and it just hurts too much when they leave. I don't know if I am done traveling or not either.

I will be OK. Eventually.


  1. I am very sorry you are going through this. You have some great pictures of her and they will
    give you lots of comfort in time. I think you should use Ody until you sell him-might be good to
    meet your friend in California and have your own bed.

    I enjoy reading about your adventures. I haven't gone back to the beginning of your blog but have
    been reading since you were in New Mexico with Barbara of "Me and my dog". Keep your chin up.
    Glenda n TX

    1. Thank you for your kind words. It is always nice to hear that someone thinks my life is worth reading about. This is kind of my version of a journal and is as much for me as it is for other people to read. I am seriously considering getting Ody set back up for a little bit of travel. I am thinking I need to get out of here for a while.

  2. My heart breaks for you today and I am crying with you. I lost my husband of 54 years last year and it was much the same as you had with Jake....almost 2 years of struggle before the end. I also lost my precious dog a couple of years ago. Please accept my sincerest condolences. You are in my prayers.
    Love, June

    1. I'm sorry that anyone has to go through what we have been through. I only had Jake ten years, not a lifetime like you had. I can't imagine how much more difficult that can be. I am having a hard enough time as it is. Thank you for your thoughts and prayers.

  3. I'm sorry to hear of the loss of your faithful companion. My thoughts and prayers are with you, my friend... I've been there, and understand what you are going through.

    1. Why is is that when you finally start to feel good about something that something happens to turn it all to crap? I was finally getting my life together, was liking what I was doing, only to loose KC and bring all the bad stuff from when I lost Jake back as well. Geeze, time to start over yet again.

  4. Our capacity to grieve is only exceeded by our capacity to love--and it has been very evident how much Kali Cat was loved and how much she loved you. My heart goes out to you.

    1. She was loved, unconditionally. I just hope I made her happy. She seemed to be. I didn't do anything without considering her first.
      Thank you.