Wednesday, April 15, 2015

I am so very tired

I’m up in the wee hours. Managed about four hours sleep in the bed, better than the night before. I did snooze in the chair in the living room for about an hour or so yesterday morning. I am so very tired. I’m going to have to learn how to sleep again. I had started doing pretty good on the sleep front until Kali Cat got sick.

I cried again most of the day yesterday. Every time I went indoors, it hit me how empty the house is without Kali Cat. I kept looking for her in her favorite spots, listening for her to tell me it was meal time, and having our conversations.

It seems to be sinking in that she is gone. I don’t know if I am cried out, or if I am starting to adapt. Time to start thinking about what I am going to do for the next couple of months. I haven’t managed do to any creative work, or make anything in the workshop. It still needs to be organized and made useable. If I re-load Ody, I will have more space and less to organize in the shed. I am seriously considering transferring the registration to AZ and hitting the road for a few weeks. She is insured, cleaned up and pretty much ready to go. Might as well use her while I still have a few dollars left. On the plus side, I won’t have to load anything other than the absolute necessities and will be much easier to clean out when she goes to a new home. And I have a place to come back to.

Why is it when I start to appreciate what I have and start enjoying it, something happens to turn it all to crap? Jake and I were starting to make plans, wanted to spend more time together, then he got sick. Now I have a new place in a town that I am comfortable in, was happy with what I have, and I loose Kali Cat. The last living and breathing constant in my life. I just don’t get it.

I am going to try and get myself out to walk this morning and I really should go to the post office. Other than that, I am not making any plans or setting any goals. I read a book yesterday in between bouts of crying. At least while I am reading I am not crying or thinking about myself and my sorrows. I will play it by ear. Maybe get a little more sleep if I can. I am so tired.

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